I’m all about finding women to score with, flirt, date, talk, whatever, I’m not about cheating, it’s not something you need to do and for me, I’ll never cross the line and cheat with a friend’s girl, even if it’s offered, and it has been.
I guess there’s a little bit of psychology in all of us (or at least we think there is), and we probably have an idea or two about why someone (guy or girl) cheats. Of course that is usually in the hypothetical, but what about when it happens to us, or even when we find out a good friend is cheating on his girl, or maybe with the girl of close friend. That’s when things get difficult and no matter how enlightened we are, thinks change and emotions rule.
So here’s the question then, what would you do if you found out your good bud is cheating with another friends girl? I mean you’ve got to do something right, even if it’s keeping quiet, that’s still a decision you have to make.
For me it’s about loyalty, and while I’m not in favor of the whole cheating scenario, I would never betray the trust of a friend, even if I believe he is wrong. No one goes through this life without screwing up at some point (I certainly have), so I’m not going to play «holier than thou», but I’m not going to help him cover it up either.
There are many people who avoid confrontation like the plague, not me. I believe in getting it out into the open, if he’s a good friend, then talk to him like a friend, but let him know what’s happening isn’t something you endorse and you do not think it’s the thing to do. Man to man, friend to friend, be honest and level headed, but don’t help him or her keep it in the shadows.
Once that is one, butt out, you’ve done your part. Zip it, clam up, keep your own counsel, etc. What goes around comes around and you’ll not garner long term friends if people think you are the one who is spreading the word, right or wrong.
Most important, taken everything I’ve said above, don’t help him (good buddy or not) accomplish his midnight rendezvous. Even though you might believe you are helping in the short term, you’ll be doing more harm than good long term, not to mention adding to your own stress level.
Now let flip the scenario and talk about what happens when your friend is the one this nefarious deed is being done to. It’s going to hurt, that can’t be helped but if he’s a bud, then you owe it to your friendship to let him know the truth.
Don’t expect him to believe you just because you said it. That doesn’t mean he thinks you’re lying, just that something like this can break a heart in two, and no one wants to hear it. So if you are the one who must lay out the scenario, come armed with proof, it doesn’t have to be private eye stuff with photos and videos, but know what you are talking about and don’t simply spread rumors that you’ve heard. This is important stuff so do your own fact checking before telling anyone.
Don’t expect it to be smooth sailing, in all probability there will be harsh words, after all this is his woman/significant other we’re talking about. It’s possible he won’t want to believe you; possibly even thinking you are the one telling tales, just be come and collected and lay out the facts. In the long run you are doing the right thing.